TW: ON DOMESTIC ABUSE

Two years ago, I had jotted down in my journal that it is just another day-count that I felt was a bug from the past.

“A turn i took that night that was on a hyperbolic curve around a small workshop where people were grilling iron pieces. The flash that always reminds me of those caring human beings who worked in my father’s workshop; who always treated me like a princess; after a hiatus of almost a decade of invisibility treatment the small gesture from them ‘please sit here ma, to be careful, do you need tea or milk‘ still makes my inner child shout ‘why has my so called father never spoke to me, even if not for care‘…”

In the past two years, the scooty that used to be my escape plan from any lonely stressful days, has created another trauma and I no longer could enjoy the ride as before. The scooty is no longer a company for me, in other words, there is no security. After a couple of years, I stumble upon an episode of KDrama, that was partially consoling: “A judge finally showing a victim of domestic abuse that victim must stay safe at home and the perpetrator must be punished legally.” Looking back, I was lucky enough to escape the abusing environment as I was entering my 20s. I was very much occupied since then. Loads of baggage added to the memory lane. However, one thing stands tall, it doesn’t shrink, it doesn’t reduce the intensity, it just multiplies and deforms into different forms as time passes: the impact of abuse. Many do not realise that it takes years, sometimes decades, sometimes never to grow out of that impact. The victim must feel secured to grow out of the impact.

I am sure, I will never forget certain lessons from the past environments, that are engraved to my bones. However, I am glad, I am willing to change myself to have a better life rather than just days of survival. In this transition, as I feel secured, I wish, I am a small stepping stone to someone crossing similar barrier in their life. I believe, the path that is shown to me, contrary to the path that I dreamt of, is taking me to fulfill that wish: